A Simple How to: Confidence
Fourth grade was the first time I felt fat. I sat on my stairs and cried as I pinched together the littlest bit of untoned, pale flesh. It’s been eleven years and I still struggle with body confidence. I remember that moment clear as day-- where I was, who I was with, and what I was wearing. But I don’t remember the first time my intellectual confidence was challenged. I know it was, and often it still is, but why is the moment I lost my self esteem in the classroom not as pivotal?
We, as a whole, focus so much of our energy on our bodies that the debate over confidence is largely straddled over body image and self care. Of course this is utterly important, especially in regards to young woman, but what about our intellectual confidence? I am a fresh twenty year old and have deemed this the decade of self confidence, but I need to know where to start. So, I interviewed one of the most, rightfully, confident people I know, my boss Janice Omadeke.
In addition to holding certificates from Harvard and MIT, having an utterly successful graphic design career, CEO and Founder of The Mentor Method, Janice Omadeke appears to be utterly sure of every decision she makes. She smiles through interviews and confidently speaks her words while fearlessly asking for what she wants. This makes her the perfect person to give me (and you) tips and tricks on how to become fearlessly confident.
It’s okay to not always be confident. We all have days where we feel fat or underprepared or just not fully amazing. That. Is. Okay. Don't stress, like everything else, confidence is a constantly changing thing.
At some point, you’ll go through something that seems impossible to get through. But you’ll get through it, and somehow be okay. After that, anything seems possible.
Don’t fear being “too confident”, this is largely a double standard that calls women “arrogant” and men being “driven”.
That being said, you better be able to back up whatever it is that you are bragging about.
Sit down somewhere nice and make a list of your insecurities, write down everything you hate. As you look at this list you will come to find that many things on that list are things that you cannot change, and what is left you can work on. WARNING: do not, I repeat, do not do this too often, you do not need to constantly tear yourself down.
Be shameless in asking for what you want. Focus on what makes you awesome and go for it, don’t think twice about asking for something you know you want.
Be self aware.
Give zero f*cks about EVERYTHING. Take a month and just don’t care, be comfortable trying everything despite what people think, and don’t fear failure or judgement. It is very liberating and helpful when you first start a business.
Be happy with the best possible version of yourself and do not care if people see the same thing you do.
You don’t have to be totally in love with yourself to be happy. That takes time and may never totally happen, but finding things you’re happy about will help grow that self love.
If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. We all say something dumb but remember that is just a moment in the past. If you can revise what you said or meant, do it but don’t dwell on something stupid you said. Remember: everyone is so focused on the stupid things that they did that no one is replaying your stupid mistake in the way you are.
Be shameless in bragging about yourself. People who love you want to hear what you’ve accomplished.
Find a support system that helps reinforce your confidence, but do not rely on external factors for confidence.
Build others up, the best way to become confident is to bring your friends and co-workers up with you.
To check out more tips and tricks from Janice, look here.
Do you not look like everyone else in your office? Or does everyone look exactly the same?
Check out next week’s A Simple How To: D&I.